no. you can't hotbox the world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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