he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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