im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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