Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
