Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
