I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
