I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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