i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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