u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
