What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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