ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
