I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
