So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
