Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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