dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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