Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize