you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
