my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
