he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
