the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
