The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
