She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
