K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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