He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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