She said her name was "party"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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