So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
