I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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