from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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