Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
