Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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