Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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