if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
