it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
