I haven't been this sober since birth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
