when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
