I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
