trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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