Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
