Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
