she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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