did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
