I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize