just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
