I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
