Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize