Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
one might say we're banned from that church
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize