Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
