Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize