It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
