are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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