i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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