speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
