i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
