the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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