Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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