I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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