I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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