we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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