3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize