I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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