My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
