So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize