So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
