The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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