I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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