dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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