I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
