fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
