my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
