hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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