Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
