Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
