You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
