I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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